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Who said this was easy...

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They say being a parent is the hardest job in the world, I have to disagree, being a step-parent has to be the hardest job in the world! Many people have a misconception of what it’s like to be a stepmom. They think you just have the kids a couple of days a month, do some fun things together, and then they go back to their mother. It really isn’t that simple… My ‘family’ consists of our own 2 daughters (4 and 2.5) and my two step-sons (10 and 7). As a mother, I love ALL my children, both daughters and stepsons. I want to raise and protect them to the best of my ability. As a mother I have the luxury to do that, in any way I see fit. As a stepmom, my abilities are limited, sometimes to the point of total frustration. 


The day I gave birth to Gaja, the doctor placed her cheek next to mine, I was overwhelmed with love. I felt a natural connection with her. My heart felt full and warm. I had the same feeling when I had Soraya 1.5 years after. Step-moms don’t get that instant bond with their step-children. We have to learn to love our step-children and earn their love in return.



We all know that the kids are the ones that suffer. But I believe kids are strong and adapt to situations better then adults sometimes. Yes, I think children from divorced parents suffer, but maybe not as much as the parent does, and yet, it is our job and responsibility to protect the children. The adults must just get on with it and be strong for the sake of the family. My husband is a wonderful father to all 4 of his children, and yet I will always sense pain in his eyes. This makes things difficult once again on a step-mother, as she doesn’t have the ability to take away this pain.

But I believe my responsibility is to try and make our family unit as normal as possible. We are lucky in that all 4 children love each other dearly. Maybe it was lucky that I had girls instead of boys, so there’s no competition between them. The boys are so good with their little sisters, and Gaja and Soraya adore their brothers and miss them when they are not around.


The most challenging and frustrating part step-moms have, is our right to have a voice. I love my stepsons, I care about their future, whether it be education, medical, extra activities, friends, and most importantly, I care about their happiness, BUT as their stepmom, I have no viable say in the decisions made on their behalf. As a stepmom, I accept my stepsons have a mother, and it is not my place to tell her how to raise her sons. Of course my husband has a voice but it’s hard when the boys are with their mother more often then with us. In the end she is the one making the big decisions for them on a daily basis.



Even though it’s been 6 years, I still feel I am in the learning stages of being a stepmom, as there are challenges at ever step of the way. I always thought that my most important job was to keep the boys happy and to make sure there was a family unity between all 4 kids. I still believe this is an important part of being a stepmother, but I have recently realized that my most important job is to support and listen to my husband, and make this relationship with my husband the biggest priority, all of the kids need to feel a sense of unity between us and feel that there is stability, with me as their step-mother as well.

Step-mothers have always been given a bad name, even in fairytales, being referred to as the evil-stepmother. Well, life is not a fairytale, and if we were evil, we never would have taken on this role. So lets give us step-mom’s a break! ;)

12 comments

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Tamara

Very interesting to read, I don’t have any close friends who have step-children.
It’s very fortunate that you and your girls love the boys – just imagine it wasn’t the case!
You’re right, the step mom has a bad reputation, and I think oftentimes it comes from the “original mom” who has a hard time handling her ex husband’s new wife.
Respect for trying to do the best you can every single day!

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Stacy

Sounds like you are handling it as best you can! I would have no trouble loving stepchildren but negotiating a relationship with the other parent would be tricky I think. As long as everyone is on the same page about putting the children’s needs and wishes first we’d be ok!

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Ashley

Kudos to you as it sounds like you haven taken on the job with much grace and respect for everyone. Not an easy situation, but sounds like you are making the most of it!

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Cecilia

You are doing such a good job as mom and step mom! I can’t even handle my two own kids, and you are able to take care of 4 kids! The kids love each other because you treat all of them with love.

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Hanka

I admire women who are step-mothers! I can´t imagine being in your shoes. I don´t know if I were strong enough to love both own children and step-children and not to favour one from another. You have my respect!

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Miki Nava

i think it would be unrealistic to say you can love them the same way, but I guess in the end you just love them in different ways! ;)

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Miki Nava

thank you! ;)

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Claire

So interesting to read about this – it’s not a topic that seems to be covered much is the parenting stuff i come across. I really like your take on things and it sounds like the kids, your husband and the ex-wife are lucky to have you around! :)

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Mari

I don’t have children but completely respect each thought in your story. So moving in many ways. You have an amazing family!

Mar 27, 2017 • Posted by Rachael Soster-Smith

Yes I can’t imagine how difficult your job must be!

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